Call me Achaiah...

Moved to...

2006-12-30T19:21:00.000-08:00

Hi People...

I just wanted to say that I've moved my blog to multiply. So if you're still interessted in reading some of my stuff, the link is http://draftbeer80.multiply.com/journal. Thanks for reading!

Another Universal Law

2006-07-11T19:20:00.000-07:00

If time were a universal force which drives even a single atom towards a direction where time flows, exhaustion is a universal law. This law states that all things in this universe eventually runs out.

Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me if I'm happy. I was kindda surprized. It's been a while since a person had asked me such soul shaking question. I don't know exactly why she asked that question or why that question just poped-out of nowhere. I was silent for a second. And then I said yes...I am happy. But there was a part of me that says...I just lied. And the larger part of me says...I dunno. So I went to the chapel to reflect. And I got my answer.

Sometimes, I think I'm ABSOLUTELY happy. And sometimes I think I'm the saddest person in the world. Now I'm just plain confused. I don't know which is which. How can a person be confused of what he's feeling? While in fact he should know himself better than anyone else. At times I realize that there are a lot of things to be happy about. And there are times that I'm just so full of it. But sometimes I just walk into my room and feel like it's so empty that nothing could ever fill it. And then God just whispered to my ear...he said that there's nothing to be confused about. Happiness is simply an exhaustible comodity like fuel. Sometimes you have a full-tank and then eventually you'll run out of it. It doesn't mean that if you were happy once and then feel lonely later at some point, you're just pretending to be happy. Or pretending to be sad. When you feel like you're sad for no reason, you simply ran out of "fuel". It's not because you're having sudden mood-swings or you're simply psycho. You'll just have to find another fuel source and re-fuel yourself. Then you'll be off hopping again.

And then I said...yah...he's right. Perhaps, that's just how God designed the universe. Everything is exhaustible or perishable. It's what keeps people moving.

The missing link

2006-07-11T18:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the Darwinian theory on human evolution. This states that humans evolved from apes. A lot of smart people seems to think that this is true. But if it were true, why is it that till this very day, they have not yet found the missing link? I have come up with a theory of my own. That man did not evolve from apes. Man evolved from fishes.

All organisms in this planet started from a single celled life-form called a bacteria. Then from a single bacteria sprung a variety of multi-cellular, complex, intelligent life forms. Man is far more intelligent than the apes basing on the way of life of a community of apes. They eat lice! How intelligent is that!?

Fishes on the other hand are more intelligent than apes. Although they have relatively small brains, they have a similarity with humans in terms of behavior. Like for instance their habitat use behavior, fish-invertibrate symbiotic behavior, schooling behavior, the use of fish vocal patterns used as a tool to communicate to each other, and fish migrations are far advanced than any of the other species of the animal world. Far more advanced than the way of life of the apes.

Man evolved from fishes. So we were mermaids once. I personally think that scientists should devote their time in finding the real missing link. Mermaids. Heheheh...char lang!

I hope you like my theory...I know I do! ;-D

Belief

2006-07-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight, you arrested my mind.
When you came to my defense.
With a knife, in the shape of your mouth,
in the form of your body, with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
And I'll stand by my belief.

And I'll stand by my belief.

Diary

2006-07-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

I was bored today, so I read a few of my journal entries which I started writing 6 years ago. I was surprised of the things that I’ve read. All the bad experiences that I’ve went through and survived in the passed 6 years came back to me like an unrestful ghost. They were tossed in the darkest corner of my mind that I actually forgot for a while that I went through these many “soul abrasive” experiences. But I’m just glad I survived it all. And so, today I’ve decided to post parts (not including the “sensitive parts” of course…hehehe) of my journal entries.

“You know how it feels like? I feel like falling from a 1000 storey building, falling swift. I feel a certain level of excitement, but I know that eventually I will hit the ground and my body will painfully slam on it, tearing it into small fragments. But you know what I fear the most? I fear of not bearing the pain…and after the pain, I might not have the chance to be whole again.”
-Friday, October 24, 2003-

“Opinionated people say other people are wrong, it’s their way of saying they are more intelligent. Real intelligent people are those that try to analyze and try to find something right about what another person says.”
-Thursday, November 20, 2003-

“Maybe I and my team mates are just like a fruit, yet unripe. Maybe, the time will come for us to claim our seat in success. But not now.

I thank God for this experience. Indeed it has been an enriching, learning experience. This will no doubt become one of the shining moments in my college life. I have learned many things indeed. I’ve become a bit more spontaneous. I’ve learned to keep my head up and feel confident despite the loosing status. I’ve learned to give out my best despite the awareness of deficiencies. I’ve learned how to think like Jesus (remember World Peace? Hahahahah)! I’ve learned to have fun and not take things seriously while aiming for success. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. And most of all, I’ve learned that it is only in making mistakes that I’d gain learning.

We might have lost the debate…but we won friends… ”
-Monday, October 06, 2003-

“This is how I am. Sometimes, I’m smart, sometimes I’m dumb. I make mistakes. These mistakes become the root of regrets and sometimes the root of pain. But they’re also the root of learning. Most importantly, these mistakes are the ones that remind me of my being “human”.”
-Saturday, October 25, 2003-

“I look around me, and I see a strange new atmosphere from that I grew up with. It’s an unseen corner of the world where little light comes in. I constantly ask myself, “do I rightfully belong here?” Perhaps, this is not where I’m destined to be. Nor is it a punishment for the insolence I have done. Pehaps it’s a choice I have unwillingly made years ago. Unwilling in the sense, that I did not know that I was going to make the wrong choice. Perhaps, a strong filthy wind blew towards the west, and my soul was taken away by it. And now, I look around me as if I have not been here long. Here in this desolate world full of unfortunate humans plagued by a queer disease. It’s a disease that fills in the empty spaces of the very essence of your humanity. Yes, it makes you complete…it makes you whole but it makes YOU be made up of rotteness. Yes, you may be whole, but it makes you feel so empty, rotten, confused and unfree inside.

Perhaps, I have been infected by this disease. And things are now so severe that it seems as though there is no room for healing and change anymore. I have been stripped off by the precious characteristics that I once have. I assessed myself, and I realized that I still have something left in me that might just be the key. Key to my freedom from this horrid world that I am in. I have scraps of determination to fuel my physical body to make a move, and scraps of intellect that will guide me towards the right direction.”
- Sunday, November 16, 2003-

Crush

2006-06-21T19:29:00.000-07:00

No Comment... I'm just gonna sing like angels always do... ;-D

Crush
By: Gavin De Graw

When my pass came in, you dropped the ball
It didnt change the way I feel
And I was wishing I'd break down your walls
The kiss will know if lips stay still
There is a line I crossed
And when you missed I lost
I'm not a loser
Girl, you know that I'll be back again
My dear, I went for the steal
Maybe it was rushed
Oh my crush, I've gotta crush
I suppose that i could hold it in
But you excite my every cell
Sources say that senses are your friends
My senses say that I should tell
You that I'm not ashamed
You might just feel the same
But you have to try it
If you're ever really gonna know
My dear, I went for the steal
Maybe it was rushed
Oh my crush, i've gotta crush
I want to
I need to
I have to have you
You're so much to touch
Girl, you're too much
And I cant control it- you've got me all over the road
My dear, I went for the steal
Maybe it was rushed
Oh my crush
Damaging my soul
You blew me off, but I dont mind
I just get better with time
And so do you
So do you
So do you
My crush

What am I to you?

2006-06-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

Haaay. My state right now is most definitely beyond what science can explain or mathematics to calculate. Most definitely beyond what my brain can comprehend and most definitely beyond what my heart can contain. Hence, I will just sing. In the hope that I will be heard. Even with the slimmest chance.

What am I to you
By: Norah Jones

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you

Yah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will you love when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you

Torment Declaration

2006-06-15T01:28:00.000-07:00

Why do I get hurt and yet let her see a smile painted upon my face? Does she know? Will she ever know? I pray not...I pray never. I wish that I could just grab what's underneath my chest and bury it to the ground. So that what I feel will just fade away into oblivion. And thus we remain strangers.

It's been almost 3 years since I've written a decent, finished poem. And it seems as though my muse has returned to bring forth magic to weave a rhyme. Kaya lang, it's about pain. Maybe my pain is deeper than I think it is. The subconsious works in mysterious ways! Hhehehe. Here's my new poem. Mainit init pa. Hope you like it.

Torment Declaration
By: Me

You’re the most brilliant star beyond any poet’s rhythm could ever chant,
and my pain is beyond what hell could ever bestow upon a man,
As each day I see thy exquisite silhouette caress the walls,
I go to confine myself solitarily and engage in most torturous rant.

Oh what pain this soul has to see another man’s name carved upon thy chest,
I fall into the dry desert grounds and bathe in salty rain,
I lock my face up to the heavens with my eyes closed,
Praying not for thy glance but praying for this soul to be at rest.

In the darkness of the corners of my dungeon thy thought remains my light,
And amidst the dreadful silence I sing thy name infinitely,
This is my torment that I unshamefully declare and cast upon a stone,
This is my obscurest vainglorious battle that I have to mightily fight.

How have I failed?

2006-06-14T16:01:00.000-07:00

I’m such a failure. As much as I want to hide it from the world, I cannot try hard enough to hide it from myself. I have failed so many times, and my past failures didn’t seem to mean much to me. But it seems like I’ve finally hit the bottom. And my initial reaction to the ground cracking slam? Indifference. I feel numb all over. I put on a smile like it’s no big deal. But a day later…the pain starts to kick in.

I’m such a failure.
There are many types of failure. One that is called a “consequence”. Caused by a person’s faulty decisions in the past. Experienced mostly by people who are more in-touch with “reality”. The second type of failure is called a “jinx”. This type of failure are experienced mostly by people who believe in “luck”. The third type of failure is called “God’s will”. The type of failure that are often experienced by the “faithful”. I am a “faithful” but I don’t want to blame God for my failure. I sometimes believe in luck but I also believe that “jinxes” have no power over me. I am in-touch with reality but I float more in the “dreamy” realm. So, how have I failed? Perhaps, it’s a combination of the three.

I failed, not because I am not smart enough and I failed, not because I did not pray enough. Because truth is, even though I have walked away from God, I felt him pulling me back. And he showered a lot of talents than an average human being. I failed not because I am unfortunate. Because the truth is, I was lucky to have a good mom who stood by me no matter how many times I broke her heart. I failed also not because I was too “dreamy”. Because I was being realistic when I had to face the truth that people are going to JEER me as soon as I decide to start over in college at my age.

I failed because I have neglected the things that should be on top of my priority list. I failed because I did not put my heart into the things that I do. I failed because even though I knew that I was lost, I did not try hard enough to find my way back to the right path.

I’m such a failure.

You're Beautiful

2006-06-11T05:43:00.000-07:00

I see the colors of the world more vividly these days. And this is because of a person. Perhaps it's been going on for over a year. Perhaps just lately. But I can't say anything. And I have to keep myself always a step away from her. No long conversations, just occational touch of her hair, and unnoticed glances. There is no praying, for us to be together. Niether is there hope. I'll just sing her a song, when she's not listening.

Hence...

"You're Beautiful"

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high, [ - video/radio edited version]
Fucking high, [ - CD version]
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Prism

2006-06-10T02:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, people smile with you, share laughter with you, fly to places with you, trust you, jeer you, mock you and beat you to the ground. But there are also those people who have compassion towards you, and pray that you have a nice life, even though you don't consider them your friend and barely speak their name. And there are those you weep with you. Today, it occured to me. These people who hate or like my soul...do they think they know me? Or are they just amused of what I look like ten miles from where I stand? Do they really know me?

You see, I have realized that I am shrouded in mystery. But I have never contemplated on how thick that shroud is. And sometimes, my own mystery clouds my own wisdom. Is this even possible? Sometimes, I think that I have been MORTALIZED by being with people. I am not who I used to be. Hence, I am no longer the soul I used to know. Therefore the shroud has now become ME. And what was once shrouded is just a tale waiting to be told.

Who am I? Am I the rainbow you see streched over the weary skies after a storm? Some people believe that I am. Some people believe I am not. But I believe they will NEVER know that I have no value like the colors of the rainbow. I believe that they will NEVER know that there is no magic like the old tales tell about the rainbow. I believe that they will never believe the existence of the PRISM that is ME. Because what they wanted to believe is that a rainbow is all THERE IS and nothing more. And I, the PRISM will be nothing. Left in the corners of oblivion. Who am I? Am I really the prism? I believe that's all I am and all I'll ever be. And if the world would believe that they see a rainbow, I'll just leave the magic at them and I'll just live in oblivion. Awaiting for the day that one soul would come to see the source of that rainbow. The PRISM that is ME...

Prisoner

2006-06-06T02:20:00.000-07:00

Yes, I may have wings but I could not fly. I have a beautiful voice but I cannot sing. A beautiful face that no eye can behold. And tears overflowing that no one can ease. Imprisoned by the talons of a griffin. Oh what misery! Oh what horrible death to die while still living! I face the east, waiting for each sunrise, with each drop of hope swallowed by the barren ground upon which I sit. And everything that surrounds me is emptiness and darkness.

"Will there be a day that I shall flee?" I ask myself.

I recall, passed two days. I was with my new friend. I watch her weep as I commence my quest. The quest for my lord. I know that somewhere beyond the wilderness that lay ahead are the answers to my question. Therefore I flee from her side. Leaving behind a promise that I shall come back on the exact same spot where I left her not longer than three days. But when I reached the other side of the wilderness, there were no answers. But amidst the desolate barren desert stood a griffin, sturdy and strong.

"Life ends here. Step no further." Declared the griffin.

I told him about my quest. And she replies with a bargain.

"Whatever answers you seek, I have them. I shall grant thee answers but pay with answers." She says.

I respond with a questioning face.

"I tell thee riddles, and grant me my answers. And tell me thy riddles and I shall grant thee thy answers." She adds.

I answered her every riddle but none of mine were answered. She grabs me by my wings and imprisoned me within her talons. She finds amusement in my wisdom. And she shall not set me free. Thus doomed to answer her riddles for all eternity.

I am worried. My friend awaits for my return.

Beautiful Souls find their way to each other

2006-04-29T00:27:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the world, while I was flying low on the earth's surface, upon which I was imprissoned for years as the willow tree, I found a friend. I spoke to this new friend. And this soul was full of unspoken wisdom. I wish to delve into this ocean of wisdom. Using my quill and old scroll, I wrote this person's name down. Although this beautiful soul is my friend, I will not claim this person as my own. And there shall come a time that this person will walk away. Reluctant or willing, I shall not know nor forsee. For all of us in this universe are a free energy. We shall not disappear but we shall take another form. Just like what happened to me. But before the day comes that this new friend shall flee, I wrote a letter:

There are only a few beautiful people in this world. You know why they are
beautiful? I believe that they're old souls. They are those few souls that
are in search for something deeper. And that desire to search of the deeper
meaning of one's existence made them break the laws of time and space. They
just keep on dying and then resurrect through rebirth. The brittle surfaces
of these rough skinned souls get etched and smoothed by constant death and
rebirth throughout the centuries of their existence. Until one day, they wake
up in their new lives, shiny like a fine cut diamond. Rare...precious. I
thought YOU were one of them. And I hope YOU were not wrong when u said u
thought I'm beautiful. Because if I am, then your beauty outshines mine. ;-D

Achaiah

2006-04-05T02:43:00.000-07:00

Life is an energy. And science teaches us, energy does not decrease nor disappear. It simply takes another form. And when my life ended as the willow tree, I have left my withered trunk behind but my soul was retained and have evolved into a new being...an angel. I was ready to see my God's face. But then, I must not yet be worthy. However, I am greatful beyond eternity for the new being that I have become. I have wings, as the birds to fly me to the most beautiful places, a singing voice, to soothe weary hearts, limbs and legs to dance and most of all a face that personifies me.

I descended to the earth when I once stood as the willow tree. None have come to mourn my death. It saddens me, therefore I stood there to mourn my own death. Beside my lifeless trunk, lies my scroll. Upon which I have inscribed the names of beings that hath earned a place in my heart and soul. I picked it up and decided to keep it. This day is the start of my new life. I've breathed air for years and yet I wake up this morning as though I've only begun living. Call me by the name Achaiah, and this is the story of my life.

It's time for this old willow tree to die

2006-04-02T05:31:00.000-07:00

This day is distinct from any other day. The sun shines but it's light smearing crimson over the innocent skies. The wind blows but has the scent of rotting flowers. This is not like any ordinary day. I just know deep in my heart that spring is no longer coming for me. What lies before me, I can no longer see.

With the blowing of the last winter breeze I dance with a lovely smile upon my face. I smile my last smile as the willow tree. I sway my last sway as the willow tree. I weep my last tear as the willow tree. I whistle my last whistle as the willow tree. I have found myself aged by the years. And learned by the many songs of the seasons. I have seen people both miserable and joyous pass my unmoved path. And today, I stand my last stance, as sturdy and bold as always. The time. It is time for me to rest.

This I have to say, the anticipation of death is far worse than death itself. I felt death is coming for me, then I give it my loving embrace. Fare thee well and I shall see thee fairly soon.

i'm sorry mom for being a bitch

2006-04-01T23:52:00.000-08:00

Now I am gone, there is nothing I can do.
I wonder if I'll be missed? Of course I will. I know someone out there cared about me, there had to be atleast one or two people.
I only hope I have touched those who were around me.
It would have been nice to have gotten to do more with my life. I was usually alone, thought it was sorta my fault. And alot of my parents fault for sheltering me. I guess they only wanted what was best for me.

Though I am gone, I must say to those who miss will miss me and loved me so dearly, that I am alright. Go on with your lives and learn from my mistakes. Don't fallow the same path that I have.

To my brother, I love you so much. you were always there for me, though we would fight alot.

To all my friends, you know who you are. I love all of you. Even though you are all nuts.

And last but not least, to my parents.
Mom and dad, I love you. I thought this day would never come, but I guess it has.
There is so much I wish I would have told you. But I also wish I would have stuck up for myself. I know I was only born to save your marrage. That is a crule thing to do to a child.
But you had me anyways, and I had to suffer through this world. I couldn't change that. but now I'm gone.

To anyone that reads this.
Who knows what will become of you, you may share the same faite as me.
I leave these last words.
BE WISE, BE INDEPENDENT. DON'T TAKE NOTHING FROM NO ONE. BE YOUR SELF.
DON'T SHADOW YOURSELF FROM LIFE.
EVERY BREATH MIGHT BE YOUR LAST.

PS.
I just hope that for the time that I have lived, that I have made a difference in somebody's life. I hope that I have enriched their life, making it better than what it had been. Hoping that I'll be remembered for all the good times we've had, and that you'll forgive me for all the hurt I may have caused. These are my last words, and I don't know who will read them. Just remember to live your life for every single second that you breathe.

With all my love, no tears.
Remember me, don't mourn me.

Mom and Dad: I know I was a bitch to raise, and I'm sorry. Thank you for everything you ever did for me. There is really no other words to say except for that I love you and thanks.

Song of the day

2006-03-31T16:52:00.000-08:00

I usually start the day listening to music. And one song usually sticks to my aura. But today, I can't quite find the right song for me. I dunno why. My emotions seem to be blank. Like I can't feel anything at all. It's alarming me. Because I've never felt blank like this before. Am I tired of life? I dunno. Even my words sounds blank and emotionless today.

Somewhere over the rainbow

2006-03-26T05:39:00.000-08:00

If my heart was my skin, it would have had countless scars on it. Left by the many pains I've went through these past few years. Some were self inflicted, and some were inflicted by time. What I've learned recently is that pain is inevitable. It's as real and as true as life itself. But what can we do? Give up? Nuh uh! What we should do is love like we've never hurt before, dance like no one's watching, sing like there's no one listening and live the day like it's the end of the world. When we learn that then we're one step closer towards enjoying life.

This song from the movie "Wizard of OZ" is byfar the saddest song I've ever heard in my entire life. Why don't you try listening to the song or read the lyrics and figure out why it's a sad song. Whenever I feel lonely, I'd sing this song so that the sadness of the song would just overpower my sadness.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

When the stars go blue

2006-03-22T04:32:00.000-08:00

Since I was little, I've always loved to climb up the roof of our house and watch the stars. The brightest star would always catch my attention. I would look at it for minutes and think that somewhere in the world, there's the other half of my soul, looking at the same star. Just as enticed to it's enchanting glow as I am.

Decades later, I met her. At first I was rather overwhelmed. I did not know how to behave whenever around her. I found her rather scary. Perhaps, I was scared because behind my mind lurks the idea that she could be that girl on the other side of the world, gazing at the brightest star with me and yet she could be not. Or perhaps, I was afraid that she might destroy my balance. Or perhaps, I was afraid to have my heart torn into pieces. I shall never be certain which reason. But what is certain is that I was afraid. And then she faded away like she was just a beautiful daydream that came to me one summer morning.

One day, I found her wondering at the brightest star again. And then she smiled. I just sit on the roof, wondering at the brightest star with her. I just know in my heart that the bightest star's glow is far different than I remembered. When I look at the star, I see her smile. I just know deep in my heart that there was something different about that smile. It's the lonliest smile i've ever seen in my entire life. And as look at that brightest star, I just feel deep in my soul, that it's the bluest glow I've ever seen amidst the darkest night sky.

Tonight, I shall send her my sweetest smile so that when she looks at that brightest star, she'll feel deep in her soul that it's yet the most cheerful glow she'd ever see amidst the darkest night sky. And she'd realize deep in her heart that the darkest night is not at all the darkest. Not at all...

La vie n'est pas toujour facile ;-D

The Voice of God

2006-03-17T21:01:00.000-08:00

How does God speak to us? I believe that God speaks to us in many ways, all it takes is for us to listen. One common way in which God communicates to us is through the Bible. Most would believe that God could ONLY communicate through the Bible. But I say NOT exclusively. You see, what I believe in is that NOT EVEYTHING that God has to say was written in the Bible. God is not as static as most believe him to be. Therefore, there is no way that his wisdom can be reduced into a single book. That's why he sent Jesus. Jesus was human. God choose him to be human so that he can communicate with us in a language that we humans can understand. When Jesus died, God did not stop communicating with us. That's why Jesus said "as the father sent me, so am I sending you" before he left this world. It means that if God has channeled his love and wisdom through Jesus, so can he channel his love and wisdom to any human being. Not just through the saints, not just through the "inspired authors" of the Bible, not just through Jesus Christ but also through any other human, he can speak to you through your conscience, through your dreams, even through a stranger that we meet on a sidewalk. Though, we have to be wary of the false "truths" that some may want to inflict on us. Satan too can communicate through humans. But of course, that's where our free will and intellect comes in. Always remember that God is far more powerful than Satan. His voice is always louder than that of the devil. His will would always prevail. Therefore, fear not to be led astray. Just choose goodness above all, listen to the voice of God and God only and never forget to pray.

Losing Religion

2006-03-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

What is religion? Religion is an irreversible contract between you and your beliefs sealed on the day of your baptism. What distinguishes religion from a belief is that religion involves LOVE. You love the God that you believe in and you love the greater "truth" that your religion bestows upon you. Beliefs can evolve. You may believe one thing to be true at one time, and believe it to be otherwise after some time. A religion is reduced to a common belief if at one point in your life you were led to believe that some part of it is not true. For instance, a friend or even a stranger comes to you and tells you that God is a woman. He or she presents convincing facts that God indeed is a woman. This contradicts the teachings of your religion, which says God is a man. And then one morning, you wake up thinking that this could be true. One of the truths you knew since you were baptised was falsified. But it does not end there. This falsified truth would falsify several other truths until no truth is left standing. Religion is comparable to a high-rised edifice made up of building blocks. If you take away one block, it would not be as strong and sturdy as it was before. Take away another block it becomes weaker. And then eventually it shall crumble down to the ground. If this happens then you don't have a religion but rather a common belief.

Alienation

2006-03-01T02:16:00.000-08:00

In my Philosophy class, I have recently learned that there are many ways man can become alienated. Man can be alienated from nature, man can be alienated from man and man can be alienated from himself. The last one has especially caught my attention. How can man be alienated from himself? Perhaps change is one contributing factor. Change combined with societal norms trigger this so-called alienation. But I have learned recently from a friend that love can be an indirect contributory factor to alienation. She had fallen in love with a certain man and this love prompted her to supposedly improve herself. She said that she is not trying to change herself to become another person but she's trying to improve herself to become a better "her".

Perhaps, it is healthy to try to improve ourselves but in my opinion, most of us aren't really capable of QUANTIFYING improvement or change. There are cases that people would tend to change themselves which is beyond the scope of their capacity. And eventually, the person that had incured too much CHANGE or "improving" would find himself lost within himself. Meaning, he would seem like he is a stranger to himself.

What I have learned is that there is no better "you". You are you. And each of us in this world is unique. Just like an odd shaped puzzle piece. Somewhere in the world, there is this other odd shaped puzzle piece that would fit you perfectly. All it takes is to find that other puzzle piece to complete YOU.

Happy Endings

2006-02-22T18:11:00.000-08:00

If I were to choose what kind of movie my life would be, I would choose it to be a comedy-love story type of movie. After watching a series of tragic and funny korean telenovelas, I've come to realize that I like those that have happy endings. I wanted my life to have a happy ending. But in life, Sometimes things happen. And they are most of the time out of our control. I can't help but wonder, would I get to have that happy ending that I've always wanted?

The Shell and the ocean

2006-02-18T02:58:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream. I dreamt of a snake infested tree. I stood below that tree and then the snakes dropped on my shoulders. As much as I feared real snakes, I fear that people would talk bad things about me without my knowledge. I fear that the stories that they are telling about me are all cheaply fabricated lies. And I’m not even there to defend myself. Perhaps this had happened several times already or perhaps I’m just paranoid. I cannot tell for certain. But what I’ve realized is that life is too short for me to worry about these things. I said to myself, instead of thinking about the many bad things that people think about me, or counting the many bad things people do to me, I should cherish the joys of life. What I should be counting are the many sad people that had smiled because of the corny jokes that I cracked. What I should think about is how I could do good things to others. So that when the day comes that God should weigh the number of people who do good things and the number of people who do bad things, I’d add up to the weight of the people who do good.

Worrying is like chewing a bubblegum while solving an algebra equation. People will talk about and believe what they hear. But the best gift a person could bestow himself is his own sanity. My advice is that, you should have that peace of mind that you deserve and think not of the ills other people may inflict you. Receive it and give them back the sweetest smile. All they may ever see is the rough shell and not what’s beneath it. The only person who could truly own and behold of your soul is yourself.

La vie n'est pas toujour façile!

A Prayer

2006-01-28T20:57:00.000-08:00

This is my personal prayer to God. I hope that whoever reads this blog entry would be inspired to write his or her own prayer too. Because even when we often ignore the guy, or even when we think that he’s just some hallucination or even when we often blame him for the many misfortunes in our lives, he’s just there, watching our every move, doing as much as he can to make our lives better. And I think he deserves that simple “thank you”.

For the early morning nags that made me see how beautiful a mother’s love is,

For the occasional fatherly hammering that forces me to work harder,

For the most infuriating younger brother that turned a handful of patience into an immeasurable one,

For the semi-unbearable perpetual summer heat that made me appreciate the cold nights,

For the annoying rainy days that made going to school unglamorous and yet had made me realize that heaven’s not too far to reach,

For the many failures that made me see that when I made the mistake, I actually had a choice,

For love that came and walked away, that made me see life glow with such vivid color,

For friends who laughed and cried with, and whom I also laughed with and cried with,

For strangers who had done much kindness, and that they didn’t know the value of it to me,

For my guardian angel who never says a word whenever I make a mistake but pats my back whenever I do the right thing,

For the unperfect life that made me look up at the night sky and say “someday, I’m going to be giving light to the world amongst the stars…”

For forgiveness that comes along the tides of time, even when it is not being asked,

For the world that has become my huge playground,

For war that had made peace the most precious commodity,

For Jesus who died in the cross, who had made me feel like I’m not just a single soul but an invaluable gem,

For making me feel like I need not be afraid because somewhere in the dark, there’s a light,

Thank you.

With all my heart and with all my spirit.

Amen.

L'explcation de l'amour

2006-01-24T16:14:00.000-08:00

This is the first time I’m going to talk about love in this blog. This essay would explain my beliefs about love.

Love is not there to make you laugh. Love is there to make you cry, so that the person you love can laugh. Love is not there to make life easy. Love is there to make you suffer, so that the life of the one you love would be much bearable. Love is not there to make you happy. It’s there to make you miserable, so that the person you love can be happy. Love is not all about the joys, the laughter and the comforts. It’s all about the suffering, the tears, the pain and most of all, sacrifice.

Some say, love can fade away. I say, when it fades, then it’s not love. It was a need for comfort. The need simply faded away, along with the idea that it was love. Some say, falling in love is like dying. I say, love is a life giving energy. It always brings out the best in a person. It brings out the beauty in the ugly. It makes you look at the world in a different light. If one thinks otherwise, then what he felt was not love at all. It’s simply desperation clothed in a golden fleece. They say love cannot exist without sex. I say, sex is like wine. We drink it to celebrate life. But love is like water. Something we simply cannot live without. They say love destroys. I say, perhaps! But it destroys the old, to make way to the new.

This I say to you. Love is rare. Love is as mysterious as God himself. Inexplicable by any laws of science or mathematics. Immeasurable by any man made scales. Not everyone is lucky enough to find love. And love always finds it’s way to the unwilling. When love finds you or when you find love. Grab it and keep it within the cages of your soul.

Vive l’amour!!!

Forgiveness

2006-01-22T05:26:00.000-08:00

I've pondered on the concept of forgiveness today. What is the real meaning of forgiveness? Is it a disease or is it a cure? Is it a tradgedy or is it simply one of the many unexplained phenomenons of this universe? Why do we, or don't we forgive? Does it have anything to do with our so called "humanity"? Perhaps yes, perhaps not. One thing's for sure, a soul that leaves this world without it is doomed to live every unforgiving moment again and again for all eternity.

No fault or error is too big to be unforgiven. At least, I think so. And you might strongly disagree on this. But forgiving is not really inwards, it's outwards. Meaning, you forgive yourself first then you forgive the other persons involved. It's man's very nature to be selfish. He tends to absorb every drop of goodness in the world to the littlest morcel of negativity. Meaning, every tragic event in the world upsets him and initially throws the blame on himself. In turn, he becomes angry at the world. And the world becomes an unforgivable entity. But the biggest mistake of man here is to think that the world is unforgivable, while the fact to the matter is, he cannot compel himself to forgive the world because he refuses to believe that there is a need to forgive himself, therefore resulting to an "unforgivable self".

The reason why all these realizations came into mind is that, I have met a lot of angry people lately. And they seem to be consumed by their anger, unaware that they are loosing more of themselves along the way. I am sadened by this fact. I might not have admitted it to myself but I had an idea of a "perfect world". But when I found out that the world isn't what I had in mind, I was disappointed. My only advice to you and more importantly, to myself, is that, we should learn to forgive. Not for the world's sake, but for our own sake. Let us re-claim the peace of mind that was once ours. Let us focus in our dreams and look ahead. Life's too short to be wasted in anger. Let us also learn to accept the fact that the world would never be what we want it to be. And most of all, let us learn to forgive ourselves.

Coming Home

2006-01-07T20:47:00.000-08:00

If I look back in my life, there have been a lot of irreversible mistakes that have been made, so many tragic events, too much pain experienced, and I may think of it as a series of unfortunate events weaved together. But within the midst of these unfortunate events, I have realized that at the end of the day, I have a home to come home to. I have the warm loving arms of family to cradle me when I needed to cry. Some people are not lucky enough to have it. I cannot imagine how I could have been worse without my family by my side in my darkest hours. And I have God to thank for.

Last year have been a good year. And I appreciate how god stayed infinitely patient and kind to me despite me trying to drift away from him. I have mentioned before that someday, I’ll come running back to his arms. I guess I’m a few steps closer to becoming ready to do that. All I can say to him is that, I’m coming home…soon. I hope that he still has his arms wide open for me.

The Pink Dress

2006-01-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, I was dead bored I decided to check my e-mail. And I recieved a forwarded message from a friend. It's a story about a little girl in a pink dress. You might wanna spend the next 5 minutes to read this story. It's yet the most touching story I have ever read this year. I hope it touches your heart too. ;-D

The Pink Dress

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park. Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad. Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by. She never tried to speak. She never said a word.
Many people passed by her, but no one would stop. The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there. Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes. Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl. For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone.

As I ! got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress. It was grotesquely shaped. I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her. Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different. As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare. As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly. She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form. I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to
help, to talk. I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello." The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "hi"; after a long stare into my eyes. I smiled and she shyly smiled back. We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty. I asked the girl why she was so sad. The little girl looke! d at me with a sad face said, "Because, I'm different." I immediately said, "That you are!"; and smiled. The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know." "Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent." She looked at me
and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said, "Really?" "Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all people walking by." She nodded her head yes, and smiled. With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her wings to spread, then she said "I am." "I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye. I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things. She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done". I got to my feet and said, "Wait, why did no one stop to help an angel?" She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're the only one that could see me! ," and then she was gone.

And with that, my life was changed dramatically. So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.

Divest not the glow from the sapphire!

2006-01-04T04:22:00.000-08:00

Behold ye, I weep as the weeping willow once again. I cannot be much certain but to my knowledge destiny hath given me no heart and yet how could I have been so much disheartened. I am disheartened for I have hoped for the sun to unhide from the gloomy clouds and yet it had only glanced for one minute and deprive me of it’s radiance once again! I can only weep for I find myself the only living tree in an ocean of rotten logs and withered flowers.

Beneath my protective branches are two precious gems. One is an emerald and the other one is a sapphire. Various monsters have come from far away deserts and dark caves, some are from wrecked cages from an impoverished circus far far away. They have come for my precious sapphire. They come with mystic hammers and mighty swords. Some were even merchants that wants to vend it for 30 pieces of silver. These gems are very precious to me for they are not only gems, they are enchanted. They have a unique glow that brings forth the summer sunshine amidst storms and the winter’s cold. For a tree such as myself, the glow which they bring forth gives life to me. Should any creature great and small take any of both would mean me death! I henceforth pledge to spread my branches wider to protect them with all my branches’ might. I shall first wither and until my last leaf kisses the ground will I keep these gems safe. I pray that my creator shall send forth the valiant knight, rightful to claim these gems. He who shall preserve them throughout his lifetime and adore their splendor even when the splendor fades away. Until then shall I rest.

Dilemma of non-existence

2006-01-02T20:20:00.000-08:00

What if one day, I’m going to be taken away to a far away place where no one knows me and a person who behaves, talks and looks just like me were to replace me. Only he has a slight, unnoticeable difference in him. Only he’s slightly, noticeably better than me. Would the world ever know that he’s not me at all? And what if I’m permanently taken away from my life. Would the world ever know that the person who once filled those shoes was me? Would the world ever know that I was a unique irreplaceable being that once existed in his own space and plane? What’s in me that makes me distinct? I have given this a lot of thought and I cannot think of a thing. I am afraid that the people around me might not know me as well as they should. I am afraid that I might not know myself as well as I should. I am afraid that I might pass away and fade away from the universe like I’ve never existed at all.

New Year's Resolution

2005-12-31T03:08:00.000-08:00

Only a few hours before 2006 comes in. So, here's my list of resolutions for the coming year:

I would never waste my time thinking how people see me or how people think about me.
I would TRY to eat healthier food.
I would TRY to watch LESS porn. (Not that I watched a lot of it this year…hehehehe)
I would clean up my bedroom, not once but often.
New principle in life: NO more sex before marriage.
Do sit-ups.
LESS beer intake.
Develop a study habbit.
Have a closer relationship with God.
Still be nice to people who are mean to me.
Still be the harmess person that I am. Avoid killing any creature.
Sketch! And keep all of my sketches.
Write! And keep all of my writings.
Embrace French, as a language, as a lifestyle, as a culture.
Be more of a gentleman.
Pick the “right” words to say or write.
Make the “best” decisions.
Finish everything that I’ve started.
Avoid being grumpy, most specially to my mom.
Try to be nice to my lil brother even if he gets very annoying.
Take good care of my stuffs.
Know my priorities. Have the future always in mind.
NEVER stare!
NEVER entertain “unclean” thoughts.
Avoid temptation. (I’m never good in resisting temptations.)
NEVER to put on too much smile.
Avoid loud laughing.
Avoid too much sun exposure. Avoid getting too much freckles. Avoid getting dark complexion.
Never leave the house without cologne.
Read! Take time to read interesting articles.
Never be afraid to show concern.
Bring back the “twice a week” movie habbit.
Bring back the “depend only in thyself” mentality.
Never be ashamed to appreciate a person, a place or a thing.
Never hesitate to give a person credit.
Never hesitate to help.

What I've learned this year

2005-12-31T02:19:00.001-08:00

This year have been quite tough for me. There have been so many changes, I’ve met new faces and I’ve learned a handful of lessons. I have learned…

That the world is not a safe place to live in. There people whose purpose in life is to ruin yours.
That shallow people talk about other people, average people talk about events, intelligent people talk about ideas.
That when you listen to gossip, the next day you’ll be the gossip.
That things happen for a reason. I’ve learned the reasons why I had to leave my CS home and move into my new home which is the IT.
That it hurts to know that a friend of yours has a huge problem and you can’t do anything about it.
That life is still fun without sex. (Not that I had a lot this year…hahhaha)
That I don’t like RED HORSE!
That I like girls with “white feathers on their hair”. “Like” as in the wholesome kind of way. ;-D
That you have to be extra kind to people who are mean to you.
That there’s a “law” regarding manhood. (What makes a REAL MAN)
That no matter how hard I try, I can’t be “evil”. I can’t even kill a mosquito!
That love transcends time and space.
That having a dream doesn’t make you smart, knowing that it doesn’t come true does!
That the anticipation of death is far worst than death itself.
That you’d have to actually work hard to get something done.
That you don’t have to grow old if you don’t want to. (But of course, staying young is far different from being immature.)
That blue is not my favorite color anymore. Red is my new favorite color. Which probably means, my personality’s slightly altered.
That I actually NEED a mobile phone.
That there’s such thing as a “BLOG”.
That people actually READ my blog. That’s why most of it is encrypted.
That having a complete family makes you a complete person.
That you have to believe in yourself first before you demand the world to believe you.
That despite of it’s disfunctionalities, life is still beautiful.

A Step back to move onwards

2005-12-27T22:53:00.001-08:00

I've made a lot of stepping back in my life in order to move forward. One, and I would trully consider the biggest "step back" that I've made is going back to college. It did me a lot of good. And I would say, it was, by far, the best decision I have ever made in my life. I wouldn't have gotten interessted in Computer Graphics if I didn't go back to college. Today, I have decided to make another step back. Maybe this is not really as drastic and as huge but it would definitely affect my behavior and skill as an artist (CG artist). I want to go back to sketching. And I have Ethan to thank for. He quoted Bansky in one of his blog entries. And I'd like to quote him again:

"All Artists are willing to suffer for their work. But why are so few prepared to learn how to Draw?" -Banksy

Maybe I'm guilty of what Bansky would call "unpreparedness". Whenever I wanna do CG, I just wanna jump into my "cockpit" and "get it on". I am actually willing to spend sleepless nights doing it but just when I am about to finish, I come up with an art that I thought was unplanned. And I wish that I could still do something better. But I've done too much already to give it up. So, my only choice is to finish that artwork. It comes out good, but not quite what I had in mind.

Sometimes, I feel my inner artist calling. I wanna do something but I don't wanna sit in front of my computer. I don't wanna draw either because I gave that up a long time ago. I just thought that my "art" took another form, which is CG. But now, I've realized that I always love sketching. When I was in grade school, I was so obsessed in drawing, and I thought, someday, I'm going to give them life. In a form of an animation. I've always imagined how my drawings would look like when they are animated.

Although I've stopped sketching on a regular basis, whenever I find the time to sketch, I am quite amazed that my skill is still improving. I have realized that once you're an artist, you're an artist forever. So now, I think my talent hasn't really "evolved". Perhaps, the right word would be, "Augmented." I think what happened here is that I have gained a new skill. And that's CG. And CG is just there to enhance what skill I already had, which is sketching. So, I'm off to the bookstore to buy a new sketchbook and a pencil!!!

Haaay...merci beaucoup pour mes talents mon dieu!!!

The miracle that is Christmas

2005-12-24T04:12:00.000-08:00

It’s Christmas eve, Christmas dinner has just finished, I’m with my family, I’ve heard the traditional off key notes from carolers but I can’t quite figure out what’s missing. On our way home, I had the time to reflect. I was waiting for that Christmas miracle to happen. I don’t know what or how it would happen. But alas! The miracle happened! It lasted only for a few minutes and I guess it came too early, nevertheless, it was wonderful. It was when, my friends began texting to greet me Merry Christmas and it happened simultaneously. Even those whom I never expected to get a greeting from. And all of my suppressed anger, angst and discomfort morphed into forgivness, sympathy and compassion. At that moment, what I felt was just pure and genuine happiness. It was a few minutes of euphoria. A moment of natural high. I have not gotten much gifts this Christmas but looks like I got the “Surprising” and “Heart Melting” gift I’ve always wanted after all. I have realized that miracles do happen. And miracles never come less than “Great”. And all I can say is, thank you God. And Happy Birthday “besprend” Jesus!

I know her by heart

2005-12-22T16:14:00.000-08:00

There’s a secret path I follow
To a place no one can find
Where I meet my perfect someone
I’ve kept hidden in my mind
Where my heart makes my decisions
’till my dream becomes a vision
And the love I feel
Makes her real someday

Cause I know she’s out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I’ve never really touched her
Or ever heard her speak
Though we’ve never been together
We’ve never been apart
No we’ve never met
Haven’t found her yet
But I know her by heart

Am I living an illusion?
Wanting something I can’t see
If I compromise, I’d be living lies
Pretending she’s not meant to be
Cause I know my heart’s worth saving
And I know that she’ll be waiting
So I’ll hold on and I’ll stay strong ’till then

Cause I know she’s out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I’ve never really touched her
Or ever heard her speak
Though we’ve never been together
We’ve never been apart

No we’ve never met
Haven’t found her yet
But I know her by heart
No we’ve never met
Haven’t found her yet
But I know her by heart

Au sujet de l'amour predestiné... ;-D

Like God

2005-12-21T17:42:00.000-08:00

I’ve always wondered what God is like. I’ve aired out some of my views on the nature of God (from my point of view) but lately I’ve been trying to contemplate on why he created the universe, on why he created the world, and on why he created human kind. And these passed few days as I have spent time to do an artwork for this competition I am joining, I have realized that I’m an artist just like God himself. I have realized that perhaps God is just a higher level artist. One of his infinite number of powers that built the universe is creativity. And I have been chosen to possess and hone this power. This realization lead to the belief that I am closer to God than I thought I was. Embracing art means embracing God himself.

I believe that everyone was born with the ability to create. That everyone is a natural born artist. However not everyone has the courage to trudge down the path of artistry for several reasons. First, artistry is more addicting than coke (the one that’s sniffed not drank). Once you “touch” art, and let art “touch” you, it has a tendency to overpower you. Second, 89% of artists around the world declare bankruptcy at the age of 25, 5% are thrown to the asylum, 2% die of tuberculosis, 4% succeed. Third, some people think they’ll never be good enough. And the list goes on and on. And because of these several reasons, they walk a step away from God.

By being an artist we become like God. We, even as individuals can cause that big ripple of change in the world through our art. We can even create a whole new universe, a whole new realm if we want to. But God being the ultimate artist, he can create his own raw materials to give life to his art, we, as lower artists, we use his pre-made materials to create our own art. Walking away from art means walking away from being “like” God.

Why did God create the universe? why did he create the world, and why did he create human kind? As an artist, having part of God in me, I believe I have come up with the answers to these questions. An artist creates not because he wants to impress the world. He creates not because he wants to cause change in the world. He creates not because he wants to create a whole new universe. He creates because it makes him happy. And he wants to share this happiness to the rest of the universe.

The roots that make up a tree

2005-12-18T22:25:00.000-08:00

I was raised by a family with as little drama as possible. My family is a little less than ONE TREE HILL. I’m neither a Nathan nor a Lucas Scott kind of character. My mom is a little less than Kirsten Cohen and my dad is a little less than Sandy Cohen. But my life is most certainly slightly more complicated than the ORANGE COUNTY kind of plot. Nevertheless, I loved how my parents brought me up. I loved how my correct decisions made my life better. I love how my mistakes made a sudden twist of events. And most of all, I love how I turned out to be, as a person. If by some odds, I’m given a chance to travel back in time, I would never change a thing in my life.

As a grown up I have found my mom to be my greatest idol. She’s one of the few persons I know that had once dreamed and actually succeeded in reaching that dream. When she was a kid, she had always dreamed to become a teacher. During her toughest years she still stuck with her career and actually didn’t mind how much she’s earning. Today, she’s still teaching but this time, she’s teaching in her own school.

My dad was once my hero. Although, during my puberty years, we had grown apart, now that I’m a bit more mature, I looked back and realized that he wasn’t all that bad as a father. In fact, he had been a great father. He was a father to me when I needed him the most. He retired at an early age. He had been self-employed since then. But that happened at my advantage actually, because he had been around most of the time to be a father to me and the rest of my siblings. And I cannot imagine how I would have turned out without him sticking his nose at me all the time.

My sister was the only princess in the family. Since she was the only sister I had. I always looked up at her because she was not only beautiful, she was also smart. I remembered when she asked me to come with her to the department store, there were guys coming to me to actually ask her name. And I’d normally tell them some fictitious name. Another thing that made me proud of her was when she had to choose the man she wanted to marry. There was an array of men she could choose from, of different colors and different levels. But she simply chose love. What I’ve learned from her is that you don’t have to take the stairs to go up, you can fly!

My older brother was like a fierce untamed lion back when he was younger. I had always been scared of him. But there were a lot of times that I was proud of him. And that’s when there were other kids bullying me. He made me realize that you should never let anyone put you down. Besides that, I was proud of him because he was the smartest one in the family. Although he might not have finished college, and he might seem like he’s a failure in many ways, I say otherwise. He was just too smart to follow a path that was too mediocre for him. He simply looked for a better path other than what was paved for him. And today, he has a family of his own. And I think he’s happy. I think it’s what he had always dreamed of. He makes me prouder because he’s not only smart, he’s also the bravest one in the family.

My younger brother had always been a pain in my ass. I thought that he was my dad’s favorite. But what I can remember about him when we were little, no matter how often we fight, whenever we are out somewhere in the world, we always stick together like no one can ever beat us when we’re together. No one can pick on him as long as I’m with him and I feel like he’s going to jump at any person that would pick on me. I have realized that there’s probably no person in the world that’s more of an asshole that he is. But that’s a good thing though. That gave me the infinite amount of patience that I have today. I always say to myself, I live with the worst kind of person I have ever known, there’s simply no person in the world that could ever make me explode in anger, not any more than he can. Funny thing is, if I can’t live with him, I can’t live without him either.

I have big dreams and I know that these dreams are going to take me far from where I am living right now. But wherever I go, the sun may shine a bit different, the air may smell a bit foreign, but wherever my family is, there’s home.

What makes a REAL MAN?

2005-12-16T19:10:00.000-08:00

What's written here are not rules nor guidelines. They are laws. Laws that are as true and as universal as the laws of physics.

1. A REAL MAN NEVER engages himself in gossip sessions about other men. Most especially when the gossip is about that other man's sexuality. Men only talk about DOTA, basketball, girls, computers and philosophical stuffs.

2. A REAL MAN NEVER re-assures repeatedly his MANHOOD to other people even when other people jeers or doubts it. If you are secure about it, you can even openly joke about it. (When people think you're not much of a MAN aka bayot. Getting pikon whenever you're teased to be gay is a big NO NO)

3. A REAL MAN NEVER hurts a girl. Even if she broke your heart or even if she breaks it repeatedly for a million times, you should always stand by her as her friend and stand by her when the whole world turned their backs on her.

4. A REAL MAN NEVER holds back his tears because he thinks that crying is an admittance to weakness.

5. A REAL MAN NEVER cares what other people say. For him GOSSIP is always inferior to his own PRINCIPLES. And stands by it no matter what.

6. A REAL MAN is NEVER afraid to make big steps and he's NEVER afraid to make mistakes. Because he believes that MISTAKES aren't always a disadvantage to him or to the ones he love.

7. A REAL MAN NEVER makes excuses. He keeps his mouth shut to prevent more damage that he has already done. He'd just figure out a way to make up for the damage he had done.

8. A REAL MAN NEVER tells a girl useless flattery like "Your face is as beautiful as the full moon." He would rather make fun of her or push her away. Because MEN who are in the verge of falling in love are like BOYS who are scared of thunder.

9. A REAL MAN NEVER talks about how they courted a girl to other men. This is sooo #2.

10. A REAL MAN NEVER tries to EXCLUSIVELY hang with boys thinking that hanging with a girl or a group of girls makes him gay.

11. A REAL MAN NEVER use gay lingo. Once or twice or when telling jokes it's acceptable but to use it almost everyday...it's a different thing.

When silence can kill

2005-12-14T04:07:00.000-08:00

I beheld a vision of a frozen lake. The winter's wind sweeps from the surface of the frigid ice. And I was bathed with chill. I hear the whispers that rode with the wind. Oh what bitter whispers! These whispers are cursed! It will cause death to any soul that hears it. Eternal death. Death that will send one to the forgotten corner of the universe. To oblivion.

I know a man who was curse inflicted by these whispers. And he drops to the ground, unaware of the disease that slowly creeped through his veins. His flesh slowly rots. He turns to the light where I saw his face. I just weep at his pain for I have not the cure. He is beyond my grasp and near to the talons of death.

Then the wind stopped blowing. So did the whispers. And then a hideous siren appeared before me. The face of the cursed whispers appeared before me. I loathed her. And I wish for her unexistence.

Discovering the fountain of youth

2005-12-11T17:02:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I've always believed that I'm an immortal. That at the age of 20, I will stop aging and go on living my life for all eternity. Meet new people, touch an infinite number of lives, make a difference and yet not age a day older. As I grew older and older and as I have learned new things, explored new worlds, I have realized that immortality is only a thing you read about in fiction novels or if there's a truth to it, only the gods can get a hold of it. From that realization sprung the desire to look for the fountain of youth.

Perhaps it's hidden beneath the earth's crust. Or at the peak of the everest, covered by a thick layer of ice. Or in the heart of the Sahara, guarded by the world's most venomous snakes. Or perhaps, it doesn't exist at all. Perhaps...

But lately, I was enlightened by what my friend Dirk's had written in his scroll. I contemplated on the idea of immortality once again. What is immortality? Is it really as what Ive always believed it is? A life that goes on forever? Perhaps not. We live because we have reasons to live. We have our family, we have our loved one, we have our friends, and most of all, we have our dreams. All of these are mortal, all of these will perish and eventually fade away from the universe as if they never ever existed. But there's something or someone who's going to remain existing to you. And it's yourself. You will always exist to yourself. And might just fade away from the universe but you will just transcend to some hidden dimension, who knows where or what. But you will remain existing. And that makes you immortal.

Now, where exactly is the fountain of youth? Look at yourself through the mirror. You see your reflection. It's what your logic is telling who you are and what you're made up. But logic doesn't always tell the truth nor does the mirror! If you look beyond the reflection you see in the mirror. See through all the imperfections and aging of your physical self. And see your real self, you'll see that you have not aged a day. And that you're the most beautiful person in the whole wide world. You'll see that the only truth that you need to see is the truth that you believe in. That truth is the real fountain of youth.

Bathe thyself then in the fountain of youth,
It is nothing but what thou hath percieved to be the truth!
Bathe thyself and be young once again.
Bathe thyself and be young once again.

Friendship and Friends

2005-12-11T04:38:00.000-08:00

I define a friend as simply that one smiling face you see in an ocean of blank ones. Anybody can be a friend. And one officially becomes another person’s friend by simply throwing a smile. I would also consider “named” strangers as a friend, even if he or she does not knows it or even if he or she denies it. It does not matter if a person whom you consider a friend returns the favor by also calling you his or her friend. It does not matter if he or she is friendly or hostile. By not obliging the person to do so makes you not just an ordinary friend, but a genuine friend. If, by will, he or she calls you a friend, then a relationship called “friendship” is developed.

I’m sure, you’ve heard of the line “the real treasures of this world are your true friends”. I am one of the millions who attest to the truth in this statement. Though I know 80% of the “millions” believe that friends are “treasures” because they’re can take care of you whenever there’s nobody else who cares for you or whenever you can no longer take care of yourself. They’re always there whenever you need them. In other words, they’re a “handy tool.” But I see it otherwise. Friends are treasures…rare, highly precious, even priceless. So precious that we need to keep them in a safe place…our hearts. From there, no one shall be able to steal them away. Friends are treasures…rare, highly precious, even priceless. Hence we should take care of then whenever there’s nobody else who cares for them. Specially whenever they can no longer take care of themselves.

La vie n’est pa toujour facile! ;-D

Un mot du "Willow Tree"

2005-12-10T18:04:00.000-08:00

Il y a beaucoup de choses que je veut expresses dans le blog pour aujourd'hui. J'ai realizé, c'est un peu dificile d'expresser. Parce que, c'est au sujet des gents dans les quatre coins de la salle de classe.

Il y a confits qui existe dans chaque coins de la salle de classe. Les conflits trés tranquile mais fatale. Une guerre parmi les étudiants ...

Riding the Polar Express

2005-12-04T16:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I watched the Polar Express. And I was amazed when actually I found myself getting teary eyed as the movie progressed. Perhaps I was deeply moved by the movie. It's been so many years since I have felt the true magic that is "christmas". Perhaps the magic of christmas only works for children. Perhaps...I grew up. I started growing up when I found out that Santa Clause does not exist. I grew up pretty fast.

The movie made me realize that christmas is more than just "Santa Clause". Christmas is that one time of the year that you can be a child once again. Celebrate every little good thing in your life...Family, friends, life... ;-D

La vie est belle!

Hate and anger

2005-11-28T21:32:00.000-08:00

I have realized over these years that not all people are capable of feeling hate. But each and every human being has the right to be angry. At strangers, at friends, at loved ones, at objects, at animals, at humans or at life in general. Anger comes because of the imperfections in this universe. Such that is inevitable. And anger is just one of those emotions that we humans are built with. Believe it or not, anger is the one emotion that mobilizes us. That gives us the will to live each day. Hate however is the exact opposite. It demobilizes.

Now, why do I say that not all people are capable of feeling hate? Genuine hate that is. It is because those that have hate are those that are born evil. Those that are inately evil. Hate is not an emotion. It is a living curse spread by Lucifer himself.

Hate is an outgoing negative energy. It comes within the source's soul. The amount of hate that radiates is just a quarter of what lurks within. It has long been believed, that a person that hates, hates the world. But I say otherwise. A person that hates, hates himself through and through the pits of hell. It is but natural to a human being to find someone or something to blame for his hate. And the world is its first victim. And himself, the last.

With this realization, I have seen the face of Lucifer. I know now why his face looks most hideous as portrayed by the age old paintings. Although he's the most beautiful among the angels ever created by God, his face was crumpled by hate...by misery...

Perhaps, anger is but normal. But don't let it remain in your heart. For even though you were not born inately evil, it is not impossible for Lucifer's seed to grow within your soul. You soul is most fertile to evil.

Be wary...

The mystic mirror

2005-11-24T17:59:00.000-08:00

It has surprized me that the days turn so cold, so fast. What I thought to be a good day turned out to be a blue one. I met a mystic mirror, she weeps. Why art thou weeping sweet mirror? Has anyone inflicted upon thee pain? I inquired. No kind sir. But I met a lady. She stared at her reflection and her eyes turned red in anger. She replied.

Was she not angry at thou?

But I have not inflicted her pain for her glare to be aimed at me sir!

Dear mirror...she glares not at thou. But she glares at herself. Her soul burns in fury. She lives a damned life!

And then days passed. I beheld of the lady's beauty whom the mystic mirror had mentioned. And all I had to do was sing her a song...

Oh Let thy furious heart flee,
for even a souless eagle needs to soar free!
Only then can thy soul merry be,
And the world's smile cast into thee...

La vie n'est pa toujour façile! :->

twin serpents and the whispers of winter

2005-11-23T00:44:00.000-08:00

I have realized that when my eyes are closed, all the more I see. Last night, another vision came to me. Vision of of twin serpents intertwined with each other, with their skin scorched by the flames of a forest fire. I came to see it closer and caressed it but it bit my thumb. I felt the throbbing pain, and saw it's black venom moving up to my forearms from within my skin. Fortunately, a kind person whose face I did not see gave me a vial that killed the venom.

I awoke having the serpents' names inside my head. But I have realized that life is not all about doing what you desire, or doing what is beneficial to you or the ones you care about. But life is all about doing what is beneficial to all. The world is made up of interconnected souls that one soul's action may lead to a universal ripple. So, heed ye who reads this text. Be wary of your actions because the world or the universe depends on your every step, or your every motion, or every word.

As for me, I have felt the chills of winter and have heard it whisper behind me. I shall not take heed but instead smile. I have prayed...Lord grant me strength to change the things that I can and grant me serenity to accept the things that I cannot. Although my smile is forcedly drawn upon my face using cheap charcoal but not long shall its genuinity afloat. Perhaps, it is not easy to live by the standards of the many, nor it is easy to forgive and forget but it is easy to smile. Hence I shall smile...and so shall you... ;->

La vie n'est pas toujour facile!

Invictus

2005-11-17T21:00:00.000-08:00

I've always been fond of poems. I am also a poet in my own right. Poems feed my soul and my soul breathes poems. I have decided to post one of my favorite poems here. It's a poem by William Ernest Heneley called Invictus. It has made me strong when I was at my weakest. ;-)

Invictus by: William Ernest Heneley OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance	5
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,	10
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:	15
I am the captain of my soul.

the shores of smiles

2005-11-13T04:32:00.000-08:00

I have been struggling these passed few days. But I am glad that the wind has cleared and the week ended with a genuinely sweet smile. I stood upon an island where the sun shines like the morning at dusk...and it shines like the dawn at dusk. And I beheld the shores reflecting a million smiles. And I bathed in those smiles for hours, cleansing my weary soul. I let the sweet breeze sweep away my laughter. Letting it echo all throughout the corners of my petit world like there'll be no tommorow.

The beach created this tranquil atmosphere within me. It was worth thanking for even though it lasted so short. I guess one cannot really have a touch of heaven too long in this world. It was sweet none the less...just like the Beatles singin' Strawberry fields forever less the forever.

Hence those days ends and here I am again. Whispering to myself. Uttering riddles that not a single mind comprehends or desires to decypher. Perhaps, I'm just too much of a tighly locked chest that not a soul could tap. Perhaps a nicely engineered puzzle that no man could decode. Undecodable even to myself. Hence I remain to be the weeping willow that I am...I was...and always will be. Perhaps...

La vie n'est pas toujour facile... ;-)

horrid visions from a dream

2005-11-08T05:09:00.000-08:00

horrid visions from a dream came to me last night. Visions of corruption...blood...grime. And it shook my disfaith. I ran towards God's arms and I catch my breath as I pour out all my pains to him. I have strayed away from his arms and I had felt somehow that he had been pulling me back. But it seems that evil is just too persuasive and my will has been strong. Strong to willingly break down. He has been kind and patient. And I felt his unconditional love, despite my disfaith. He believed in me. He believed that he does not need to send storms or hurricanes to remind me of his existence or to forcedly swing me back to his side. But insead, he sent me these visions. Believing that I will see the message. And I believe I did. At least I think I did...I hope I did.

There would be no promises. I will come home to his arms soon. But it's going to take some time. And I'll take one step at a time. I could only hope that tommorow would be a better day. One step closer to that new me. One step close to that new life. :-)

As I always say...La vie n'est pa toujour facile!

First day of school

2005-11-07T06:01:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's the first day of class...new semester unfolding. I cannot tell for certain why all of a sudden, things seem a bit different than I remembered. Old faces turn bile and smiles turn flat like yesterday's beer. I cannot tell for certain why it moved me. I, being the willow and all, was built for this kind of circumstance. While the seasons come and go, rivers run wild and then the day after, it runs dry, winds sweeps east and wind sweeps west...changes...never seemed to bother me. But today I swayed way off course with the soft swoosh of the autumn wind. My branches almost broke. All because of a stranger's face. A stranger with a name...with white feathers on her hair. Her face once friendly but days passed...though her face remained pleasant, but her presence wrapped me in winter's cold. Perhaps a stranger can still be an essential part of a tree's life. Perhaps that warm lavander that her soul once radiated may never come again even if summer comes. But I shall enscribe her name upon my scroll.

A stroke of strangeness...

2005-11-05T17:26:00.000-08:00

We meet new faces each day...strangers. Sometimes they stay and chat. But sometimes, they remain to be a casual sidewalk bump.

They say, the eyes are the windows of one's soul and one's smile is the mirror to one's heart. Perhaps it's true to some cases but untrue to most. I've seen all sort of smiles in my life. Some may seem genuinely sweet and some may seem like it's nothing but a beautiful painting. What runs behind those smiles...I am not quite certain. Nobody can know for certain. It's a rather undecypherable code. A lock without a key. It could only leave you, being the helpless stranger that you are...derranged...questioning your whole being...questioning your stance...lost in an ocean of doubt.

Oh lavenders of spring so sweet,
Blossoming upon valleys where the sunrise greet.
Thy scent hath cast a spell upon my soul,
By which I am rendered unwhole.

Speaketh now thy truth,
Or not long shall I call myself a brute!
Speaketh now I beg of thee...
Thus this stroke of doubt shall now flee!

True sadness

2005-11-03T05:46:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to smile, lighten up, feel happy even though the sky is not as blue as it usually is, and clouds as so heavy they could hit the ground anytime, I just break down...I get lured into that dark pit hidden in the depths of my soul. That pit I never let anyone see. That pit that I try to conceal even to myself. Conseal it with lies. Lies that are so old, that I even begin to believe.

I am lonely. Sometimes, it just comes out. That big empty space inside of me...lonelyness. You know, I used to believe that whenever I'm lonely, I'd just have to wear a fancy smile on my face. Wear a pretty little lie around my neck, saying that I'm happy. In the hope that one day I'm no longer pretending. But I was wrong. That big empty space just sucks out anything in its way to fill itself.

I need help. A divine intervention of some sort. I hope that God would let me give it a shot one more time. I need her...like I've never learned to live my life on my own...and that short span of time that I was with her was the only time that I lived, and when she left, I fell down upon the ground once again.

A new wisdom in the Willow's scroll

2005-10-30T04:49:00.000-08:00

By random twitch of circumstance we experience the fierce side of life. Today, I was rushed to the hospital because of a dislocated jaw. It was just because of a simple yawn and I thought I wasn’t going to survive the day. I tried to stay calm and successfully managed not to drool too much because at my condition I was still thinking about keeping my cool and trying not to look too unglamorous. I was about to pass out and the doctors in the emergency room just passed me by and I could really say that the interns were curious about what happened to me. My brother told me I was really pale, and I try as much as I can, not to look at myself in the mirror.

Despite the pain and my hopeless gasp for air, I stayed calm. I entertained myself with happy thoughts while I wait for doctors to finally do something about my condition. I patiently and quietly waited because I know that somebody else in the emergency room needs immediate care, much more than I do. There’s this guy who had this 3 day old open wound that needs to be stitched up. I saw the attending doctor insert the syringe needle, not on the surface of the skin but right through the wound itself! I could see his eyes twitch and his legs stretch in pain. And on the right side of the room was an old lady who had a head injury. In the next room I could hear another lady scream in pain. Whatever the cause may be, I didn’t want to know.

All I ever knew about the emergency room is that, it’s a room full of sick people, or helpless victims of stupidity but now I understand. That behind those swinging doors, there’s pain. But it’s more than just a torture room. It’s also a home for heroes. Heroes that wear white robes and kind faces. They’d come to your rescue. They came to my rescue, and thus the day ends. I took a deep breath and know…I’ve survived. And what helped me survive is the realization that whatever pain there is that you had to go through, there’s always a person out there suffering a greater pain. And even so, there’s a hero who’s going to come to your rescue.

the willow tree recalls the nymph...

2005-10-26T03:25:00.000-07:00

It's been years since I've seen her. And the memory of her face is like that dying flame at the tip of a wick after the fire has been blown away from the candle. It's blurry, fuzzy...I could barely remember. But everyday since she went away, there's this one moment that just occurs in the middle of the day that she comes in to my thoughts. And I see her smile. She's given the word perfect a whole different meaning. And even though the years may pass, and If I ever marry a woman that's not her, and I may have children that's not hers. There's still that momen during my day that I'd stop and think about her...and see her smile.

I can't help but blame myself. And think of myself as the worst person in the entire universe. She never failed to make me smile. With her pretty little ways...being unintentionally funny...being outrageously smart and tons of unpredictability that make each day seem like a huge, nicely wrapped gift that has some big surprise inside. And yet, I let her walk away with a frown on her face. I know I'd never be half as sorry as I should. And I know that I don't deserve her. But I can only hope that someday, we'll meet on a two way street and we'd stop, even when the light is green. And when that day comes...I'll make sure that she'll never loose that smile again, and I'll make sure that I'll never let go of her hand...

This willow tree is upset...

2005-10-19T05:35:00.000-07:00

Storms have come to sway my branches,
and too, splinters in the air have done me scratches,
but none too deep as those that were made today.
"Cursed!", is one one I have to say!

The weeping willow speaks

2005-10-08T04:35:00.000-07:00

It comes to a point in a man's life that he begins to realize that he is weary. Of people deciding on how one should behave and live one's life, of time that makes one's blood's rush seem so slow, of routines that make life seem so sequential.

We meet strangers, eventually we gain their trust and know their name. And when we utter their names, the phrase from which it resides ends with the word "friend". But then, they remain strangers. Nothing but a mere passers-by on a one way street. They flee...And when they do, we hold on to their memory. And when they do, we value them more. And when their memories begin to inspire us to live, that's when they become more than just a stranger. They become part of our soul.

When we look about us at night, we see the stars. But why can't we stop at just being amazed at their brilliance? Sometimes we can't help but wish "upon that one big star." Perhaps we're just hopefulls. If there's such a word. Or perhaps more appropriately called "hopefools". Believers of a world that exist beyond those stars. If there is none...I would not hesitate to believe. Still believe...even if it means that I'd have to be called a fool. At the very least, I'd live. At the very least, I'd stay sane.

But still today...I'd say, I am weary. But tommorow...might just be another day. Might just be a better one...for me at least. Or perhaps...a wonderful one. :-)

Life's Imperfections

2005-10-02T17:14:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by asking, Are we really free? You see, this question came about during our Philiosophy class discussion. And it led me to thinking about the imperfections of man and of life. How can we be free when life is so imperfect? It's like everything non-living in the universe is so perfect...everything is symetrical and yet life is the exact opposite. What I mean by this is that we make choices...by which we exercise our "so-called" freedom but then after the decision making comes a consequence. Sometimes the consequence that comes forth are those that we did not expect nor want. The anticipation of these consequences prevent us from making the decision. Which means that we're not free after all.

I came to a conclusion. Perfection and Freedom...they're directly proportional.

People have Colors

2005-09-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

On a very profound conversation with a friend. I have come to realize that people are not just a bunch of emotional faces you see everyday. People have colors. Rizza Marie, one of my dearest friends, I percieve as one of those that readiate pink to the atmosphere. Audrey, another of my dearest friends is soothing turquoise. Myself, pridish blue(if there's such a word...sprung from the word pride). And that friend I was conversating with, Kathleen, one of the rare people that explodes colors like the rainbow. We just knew each other and yet I already consider her as one of my dearest friends.

This lady, due to her rarity is often misunderstood. She's just made up of too many colors than the usual human person. Incomprehensible to a few, unconcievable to most. Strange...mysterious, unknown. It is a fact that humans are scared of what's unchartered. But with our few conversations her true self begins to unfold. And I have come to realize that she had been cruely misjudged. It is undeniable that to men, her pretty face is admirable. If only it is possible for men to see what's deep within, they'd come to see, she is even more beautiful.

Perhaps, she's nothing but an evolved soul. Aged by time and shaped by life. Perhaps that day will come, that all of us may become the beautiful rainbow that she is. But when that day comes, pray that we shall never be shaken by misjudgements like her. Despite the roughness of the world's treatment, she stood untouched and unshattered. Otherwise we shall stay unevolved, and even that one color that we radiate will fade away...fade away to oblivion.

Charing!!!!
;-D

Kaya kumareng Kathleen, stay nice, stay pretty and most of all...STAY CRAZY...like the rainbow that u are...ahahahaahahahah.

About my poetry

2005-09-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've written rhymes. I lost someone that has been a significant part of my life and had been an essential tool that shaped my soul. And since that event it is as though I have lost my skill with the Quill. Heheheh...rhyme noh. But there's still hope that lingers within the dark corners of my heart. Hope that someday we we'll trudge down the same path. And when that day comes I'll never let her go. Geeezzz...getting cheezier. And cheezier...

Anways. She was the reason why these rhymes came to be. And she was the only person who understood every word of the line. She's yet the most brilliant mind I've ever known. And most of all, i value her because of the experiences that we went through together. She was the only person I touched the clouds with...literally. ;-D

and cheezier...
hahahahaha

I just drank too much coffee...so humor me...

LA VIE N'EST PAS TOUJOUR FACILE... ;-)

Unfinished poem

2005-09-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

Fuzzy Visions from a Dream
By: Me

Merry horses dancing on a lake’s calm waters,
Steeds lead the virgin mares towards the sky’s shutters…
White Butterflies chant curses towards the godlike hills,
Beguiling so that brought rivers winter’s chills…

Behold ye the bright and lively colors of a lost anthem,
Hearken ye a lost kingdom’s banner intone a rhythm.
Behold ye the aspen trees tall and great,

I treasure this poem...only one person read between these lines

2005-09-21T18:55:00.000-07:00

The Great Desire
By: Me

To stand in rare sweet calmness,
In the mist of storm and war…
And to walk in humble greatness,
Cling like a brilliant yet reachable star…

To hold the radiance of strength,
When rain wash thee weak…
Thy soul remain clear and plain,
When the sun seems to shine bleak.

To maintain thy precious sanity,
When praises bathe thy flesh…
Yearn a life of prosperity,
Decline an infuriated life of eternity.

For what more is there to treasure?
Not gold, spice nor an epidemic’s cure!
To think this is indeed inane!
Desire thee solely what thy heart can contain!

Heed thee closely to the words herein,
Claim thee not that thy soul is clean!
Is thy possession Humility and courage?

Oath to success

2005-09-21T18:54:00.000-07:00

Oath to Success
By: Me

I will suceed…
Should I fall, Should I stray,
Should I weep or Should I bleed,
Strength of mind,
Strength of soul,
My sword and shield,
To reach my Goal.

I will succeed,
Dreams will navigate my will,
My body having the pace of a steed,
Pursuit of truth,
Quest for dreams,

I will succeed,
All ears shall heed my voice,

Words of truth,
Wisdom of gold,
‘twards man’s eye,
Shall not long enfold.

A sad song shall heal thy broken heart.

2005-09-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

A sad song shall heal thy broken heart.
By: Me

Ye, who solely behold the cursed skies,
Ye that art bound by merciless lies,
Cruel circumstance break ye apart?
Sing! A Sad song shall heal thy wrathful heart.

Is it not that love songs are prelude to romance?
But love only propels a sane soul to an indisoluble trance!
When delight and bliss now commence to part,
Sing! A sad song shall heal thy mournful heart.

Forget thee not the sins done upon thee,
Nor should thy anger collect the fee!
When torment seems to have no will to depart,
Sing! A sad song shall heal thy broken heart.

A poem for my soulmate ;-D

2005-09-21T18:49:00.000-07:00

A Distant Star from a Distant World
By: Me

Thou art a distant voice from a distant land,
A whisper like the sea waves breaking upon the sand.
Thy purity, thy hands, thy lips and thy grace,
Transcends every law of time or space.

I am a mourning soul that drowns in grief,
In an ocean of blood and tears I drift.
But by thy distant song of hope I shall rise,
Rise up proudly to the clear blue skies.

Within the midst of darkness and twilight,
I breathe thy memories and thy face was my light.
Should my days ever turn so cold,
I shall wish to thee, A distant star from a distant world.

The sweet smiles of children

2005-09-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

Whenever I see children running like wild horses on the lawn, playing, laughing, smiling, sticking their tonges out, poking their playmate's eye, or yelling their hearts out, I see innocence, I see freedom, I see wild imagination, I see bliss, I see genuine happiness. I envy them.

At times when I see sadness cloud in, I just try to regress. Go back to childhood. Go back to it like it's a far away land I once resided. It almost always lighten up my soul.

I like children. They're innocent, they're honest...but at times annoyingly innocent and brutally honest. Their innocence is like a sharp knife that could cut through your skin without you knowing it. And their honesty could make you realize that you're the biggest lie the world had ever told.

An eagle and it's hatchlings

2005-08-17T23:37:00.000-07:00

Hence a night came.
Due to the visions the fairy's gift hath bestowed.
A horrid beast came to my abode.
That which humans call an eagle.
Though 'tis but a vision, to my mind it did fiddle.

Hence a day came.
A shadow sweeped over me.
It's my vision's encarnate...the eagle!

The Nymph: A Recollection

2005-08-16T20:23:00.000-07:00

And hence came a day.
A beatiful nymph beneath my branches alay.
Who art thou? I asked so kindly.
Is it my name you inquire? She replies softly.

Her beauty is none that I have seen.
So beguiling, so unraveled, so unmarveled.
Her skin glows with such rare sheen.
And I just stood upon my home, the big rock, still and startled.

Tell me your name...she ordered.

My name I keep within myself and myself only. I say.

She hands me a clear scroll and a quill.
Write therein your name, if you will.
Perhaps a soul's name who hath bestowed thee thrill.
Perhaps if thou hath acquired new throves or skill.

Upon the scroll I wrote a song instead.
Then she humms the rhymes as if she read my head!
It is not well certain that she knew my name.
But what's most certain is that she knew well my mind.
Despite her strength I refuse to tame!
For her to flee I shall be unkind!

Thus, forecfully I sweeped her with my branch.
Despite my fierce rejection she stayed with a smile.

L'histoire de ma vie

2005-08-05T05:13:00.000-07:00

I'm so pissed. It took me a whole hour to compose my first blog and to no avail, it popped out of thin air. Sheesh. I don't wanna start from scratch. What you'll read here is nothing but honest to goodness stuff. However, it's up to you to decypher it. I'm fond of writing riddles. They're like jar full of jelly beans, they're not only sweet but they come in different colors! ahahha. They may get a bit difficult to comprehend and at first glance you'll come to believe that you have decyphered it but one thing's for certain...true meaning cannot be found at first glance.

The Weeping Willow
===============

It's been years...I've breathed air for years and yet I woke up this morning as though I have only begun living. Behold! The sun rising in the east. Behold it's radiant rays paint the sky with crimson hope. I hearken, alas! A song! Speaketh, is the song that of a lyre? I begin to sway and dance. Enticed by it's melody...I sway and I dance. The seasons passed, I dance and then sway. I was not alone. The trees, the ocean's rigorous waves, the breeze of the seasons...they stir, they sway, they dance to the lyre's melody. Upon my haltless dance I have gained my soul. And I have met creatures never similar to myself but whom I have shared the lyre's tune with...to dance and to sway with.

And hence came a day.
A pretty and rare butterfly came my way.
With wings radiating blue and yellow.
Each wing's flap so soft and mellow.

As she lands upon my shoulders I gladly say,
My lady, what have you to do this wonderful day?
With face flushed and crushed she replies,
Upon the fields of baby's breath I saw a horrible mice!

I say:
Speaketh what touble has he for thee?

She claims:
none if I may say sir...
He came and declared his love upon me,
Speaketh words I so despised yet too bluntly!
Oh ye who's words have come to make my soul stir!

I say unto her:
Do not weep, do not falter oh sweet butterfly.
The spring is young, and at it's bluest is the sky!

Off from my shoulder she flees joyously,
And I amaze at her radiance like joy is the very nature of her.
I knew with the seasons she shall sway and dance with me.
And upon this sturdy rock I stand with shoulders to her I offer.

And hence came a night.
Witches, ghouls and fireflies are aflight.
An orb of pulsating light came upon me,
At first glance I've mistaken for a firefly,
And at close gaze I begin to see,
She is not a firefly but a lovely fairy!

The fairy gently beseech me and sat upon my shoulder.
She whispered upon my ear her cyphered dreams.
And at the end of each story I've come to behold of her power.
To bring life to her visions with clarity as the sun beams.

Have you any dreams? She inquired.
I have no capability to dream, I replied.

She says:
I understand that trees have no dreams.
A pity to me this seems!
Therefore I shall bestow thee with a gift.
Into dreams shall you now adrift!

And she hands me a bowl full of incense.
And as it burned incredible visions commence!
And then the kind fairy flees.
Glides gracefully through the breeze.